Ghosts From The Past

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like everything that has happened felt so unreal, and you wonder are you in a dream or not? You look around the room and everything seems to be in place, then you realise that you are in reality... 'Did that really happen yesterday? Could I have done something to remedy the situation?' Such thoughts occur to you. And you wish that you can press the reset button like in a video game and start a new episode.

Of late, this has been occurring to me on a nearly daily basis. Voices from the past seem to haunt me... 'You are here to be looked down on!!', 'You are so useless!!', 'I give up on you already!!'... It makes me wonder if I'm really capable of doing what I do now. I am feeling accused of not trying. I know what's wrong, but would you have done any better if you were in my shoes? I know I ain't contributing the most, but I am already beyond myself...

There are times when I am down but hope is aplenty, and then I am encouraged to know that 'the joy of the Lord is my strength'. But there are also times when I am down and hope is scarce, which is similar to now, I guess... so i need to constantly remind myself that 'the joy of the Lord is my strength!!'

Ps Patrick's message today really touched my heart...

Is Jesus in your boat? If He is, do you think that the fiercest storm in the entire universe can sink your vessel? He who had created the world commands the forces of nature. Ideally, I would want to get out of the boat entirely... But I think God wants me to be able to rest in the storm, just like Jesus did...