i remember you... always will...

I remember starting uni life as panicky as everyone else. It seems like no one is gonna take care of you, everything has to be done on my own, and i would definitely not want to jump on a bandwagon just to not feel left out.

During that first few weeks, Cheryl was my closest friend. I would call her up whenever I have free time. during that time, she didn't have lessons as she was about to go to beijing for her exchange, but she still came to school often.

She was also interested in either doing a 2major or a minor in my course, so we did have more than a few common topics to talk about. Moreover, she was often bubbly and chatty, someone who was very approachable.

When she was in beijing, we chatted over msn and skyped a couple of times. I remembered that she bought an external mic for videochatting and the look on her face when i told her that her laptop already has a mic, hur hurr.. At those times, i felt that if i treat Cheryl as my best friend during my times in the university, life ain't gonna be that tough cos of her companionship.

I went through a tough patch during my 2nd semester in the first year, and when I finally made the choice to take a break, cheryl talked to me too, and gave me her support.

we drifted apart when i came back for my next semester. i guess it was that we didn't talk as much as before, or perhaps we were busy with our own stuff in school. that was also the period of time i didn't attend church. I wonder if i had took the initiative to call her up for a chat every once in awhile, things might have turned out different.

I can't remember the last time i really spoke to her. I just remembered that at the start of another new semester, i was struggling with myself again, and the last message i received from her on a sunday night was about meeting for prayer the next day. I ignored it, and i can't help thinking what might have changed if i called her up and be my usual self and go, "hey yo!! wassup, haven't seen you in a long time!!!"

I skipped school for two days straight, and on the afternoon of the second day, i was informed that she has been dead since the last night, after jumping off her apartment. Up til today, I still dunno how to feel about it. Sometimes i'll play her favourite songs and try to cry, but i can't...

Cheryl was more than a friend, she's a sister too; sometimes the older one, sometimes the younger. she was a light to everyone her. Every now and then when i think about her, how she had the courage to take that step off, even when she had so much to live for, made me question about my own pathetic being.

But now, i've finally realise what my response should be in the light of all that had happened, that is i shall strive for the dreams that i've hidden away for quite a short while, and fulfill for Cheryl and myself, and overcome whatever's in my way on the road to fruition. Then perhaps one day I can tell Cheryl that our dreams to be journalists has been fulfilled ;)