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It's been 3 weeks since my ORD. The adrenaline has been long gone since then, and the emotional high has been drained away. After all the hype, the hair colour and the pink ic, there seems to nothing left and I'm brought back to real life again...
It may already be known that I'm in the midst of applying for my internship and I'm still awaiting the results of my written test before proceeding on to interview.
And in the midst of this waiting and resting, I've been rather unoccupied and free. So, I've also got to do some things that I haven't done for a long long time... Like sleeping at 4 am, waking up at 1 pm, watching spongebob at 10am, reading books, playing my trumpet again... But somehow, there's an insecurity within me. I'm uncomfortable with being free. Subconciously, I have been finding my worth in the things I do, and I haven't been able to find physical rest and spiritual rest at the same time.
I feel guilty when I take afternoon naps. 'You should be putting your time into better use!', 'You are so lazy!' And then, I find myself doing things that I didn't really put my heart in to, but just for the sake of keeping myself occupied...
I think that this insecurity is really unhealthy. One, my worth is not found in the things that I do, and neither is your worth found in the things you do. Two, after all, this is sabbath and I should be thanking God for this time to have a good rest! Guilt isn't from God, and I shouldn't be feeling this unnecessary guilt.
So, I've decided to make good use of this time to find my rest, both spritual and physical simultaneously! And do the things that I really enjoy doing... Like for today, I went back to dunman high to play with the band! Even though the band isn't how it used to be, I had a great time of fun! And of course, spend more time immersing myself in the law of the Lord...
Lord, I thank You for this rest!
It may already be known that I'm in the midst of applying for my internship and I'm still awaiting the results of my written test before proceeding on to interview.
And in the midst of this waiting and resting, I've been rather unoccupied and free. So, I've also got to do some things that I haven't done for a long long time... Like sleeping at 4 am, waking up at 1 pm, watching spongebob at 10am, reading books, playing my trumpet again... But somehow, there's an insecurity within me. I'm uncomfortable with being free. Subconciously, I have been finding my worth in the things I do, and I haven't been able to find physical rest and spiritual rest at the same time.
I feel guilty when I take afternoon naps. 'You should be putting your time into better use!', 'You are so lazy!' And then, I find myself doing things that I didn't really put my heart in to, but just for the sake of keeping myself occupied...
I think that this insecurity is really unhealthy. One, my worth is not found in the things that I do, and neither is your worth found in the things you do. Two, after all, this is sabbath and I should be thanking God for this time to have a good rest! Guilt isn't from God, and I shouldn't be feeling this unnecessary guilt.
So, I've decided to make good use of this time to find my rest, both spritual and physical simultaneously! And do the things that I really enjoy doing... Like for today, I went back to dunman high to play with the band! Even though the band isn't how it used to be, I had a great time of fun! And of course, spend more time immersing myself in the law of the Lord...
Lord, I thank You for this rest!
