Newfound Afflictions - Part 1

GABRIELITIS

Widely considered by all to be the mother of all diseases in modern medical history. Affected person will experience a sudden loss of words which will result in undesired humour. Other ailments include honesty and diligence. Hardly captured on film...

WEIXUNGLES

A deeply complex and highly incomprehendable ailment which causes patient to become more than meets the eye...

KATHEK

That's short for the rarely-known disease, 'Kelvin-Always-Thinks-He's-Kool'. Contrary to popular belief, the afflicted person actually starts practicing courtesy and humility. But often experiences un-explainable misuse of words in the presence of ladies.

jackS-ng

Patient right brain rapidly increases in activity overnight, resulting in talent for art and language.

TMcK

Also known as 'The MacDonald's Kurse'. Patient becomes obsessed with using the EZ-link card at fast food joints... Tends to develop a secondary use of his neck, which is to use it as a handle to hold on to...

YUFANITIS

A common variant of gabrielitis. Unexplained sudden loss of words and or stammering. Still in early stages of discovery, many symptoms and ailments yet to be uncovered. Recent observations claim that patients who suffer from yufanitis seem to often stare into space...

JOELITIS

A strain of bacteria. Low resistance to heat. Causes restlessness and insomnia, and in a few rare cases, growth spurts. CT scans have revealed patients with joelitis display high amounts of left-brain activity.

AIDS

Short for 'Amos Is Desperately Single'. Another strain of bacteria. Recent studies are suggesting that the name of this bacteria may soon be changed. Tendency to look at bulges in the abdominal area whenever and wherever the chance arise.

MURPHRITIS

Causes high curiosity. Asks 'why' very often. Scientists have observed patients tend to become highly dexterous. They display an increase in overall brain activity,

JEREMITITIS

No photographic studies have been conducted as of yet because patients appear only for short periods of time each year. They display humongous egos, together with high physical dexterity, resulting in outstanding performances in sports and athletics, but not applicable to football.