the butterfly effect...

I have been pretty much cooped up at home for the past week.

Firstly, I miss school. And then, I feel lonely...

I've been doing some thinking, especially about the future... And regarding the future, it doesn't seem to accommodate a few things i'm doing now. I guess, after being myself for my entire life, I think I already pretty much know what I'm good at and what I'm not good at.

For one, I'm not good at multi-tasking... I'm most effective when I am concentrating on one thing, and determined to do my best for it.
Also, I'm good with starting conversations with new faces, but ineffective in maintaining lasting relationships...

I have to constantly remind myself to run my own race and not be distracted by others. I often find myself getting envious of friends who can do many things very well all at the same time. Occasionally, I hate myself for not being able to meet my own expectations.

And guess what is the consequence of comparing myself with others? Loneliness.

Out of this episode, I really thank God for opening my eyes; to see that my friends in school do care about me. People like Hendric, Kenneth, Sabrina and Cheryl whom I 'pangsay-ed' for assignments, Janie, Flo, Xiao Xuan and Simin for their well wishes and esp Fang Xuan and Yamuna who provided listening ears.

I guess that spreading myself too thinly over various tasks and concerns got me really worn out and that's when the anxiety started to kick in... It may have started from a small thing, but minute issues left unsolved will be magnified over time...

It's time to focus on what's important and what's ahead. And I guess some things will have to be dropped...